aaaagh, this is the worst semester ever. i don't go to class, i have no motivation except maybe fear to do any of my work, i just wanna sleep all the time, and i feel like cussing. there's a strange satisfaction in it. yeah, so for all you "innocent" people, you should probably stop reading my blog now, unless your eyes be tainted.

i'm such a babo. if my parents knew what i was doing this semester, they'd be so mad. i feel like i'm squandering my education, but i feel that even when i do go to class, i just don't pay attention anyway. i used to be able to just get through things, and now, i don't know why i'm having such difficulty doing simple tasks. i can't focus. i just get so frustrated with everything i should be doing, it's just so much, that i just say fuck it and not do it. i hate this place sometimes, it's so damn confining. i feel like i can't breath here, i feel like i'm trapped. reality is just too much for me sometimes. i just feel like sleeping, to get away from it all.

anyway, i'm just looking forward to friday, after i turn in my paper. i think that will be a refreshing feeling. i will reward myself with sleep, and i would rent a movie, but i don't have a VCR or a DVD player on my computer. d'oh, and i wanted to watch kill bill too. :( it's so hard to focus on the positive things. i know that it's hard to miss all the good things if we focus on the negative, but seriously, sometimes i feel like everything that is happening is negative. i'm trying so hard to find the good aspects, but arr...i can only take so much. i feel so guilty too. when i walk down telegraph, i pretend not to notice the homeless, but i can't help but hate myself for being so negative. i feel like i have so much opportunity to make something of myself, and that i have all these blessings in my life, but i don't appreciate it at all. i feel so guilty, because they have nothing, yet they still find strength to go on. i have everything, yet i feel like i'm unable to go on. i'm so weak. sigh...i feel so fucked up lately. i just need to be able to breath freely again, smile, laugh, dance, and be happy.

i gotta keep telling myself i can get through this time. until then, i have my pint of hagan daaz and family guy episodes to console me.